The Shopping Cart of Death

The devil inhabited my shopping cart this morning.

I should have known better when I walked into the grocery store and saw the cart, sitting by it’s lonesome - the reject of the shopping cart world - that it was there for good reason.

The problem is, I’m a sucker for the little guy, or, as in this case, the lonely cart. So I took pity on it, and as I carefully grabbed hold of the handle, pushing it back and forth to check for any unruly loose wheels, I was surprised to find that this cart behaved remarkably well. Then thinking to myself, “why on earth would anyone reject such a wonderful shopping cart”, I headed into the store.

I had experienced a good three minutes of shopping cart bliss, when I stupidly placed a ten pound bag of Russet potatoes onto the bottom rack of the cart. In a matter of seconds, my whole shopping trip turned sour. One wheel started squeaking mercilessly, another wheel stopped turning completely, causing it to drag and vibrate against the floor, and the other two wheels headed toward the cottage cheese.

It was unreal.

But I wasn’t about to let this cart get the best of me. I continued my struggle with the cart of death, pulling hard with my right arm and pushing with my left to keep it going straight. I knocked over 2 cans of cream of chicken soup in aisle 3, a canister of Columbia House coffee in aisle 7 and Scrubbing Bubbles Shower Cleaner in aisle 13, before making it to the check out stand.

Just when I thought the worst was behind me, I wheeled my fully loaded, demon possessed cart into the icy parking lot, where I quickly lost all control. My feet were sliding in one direction and the cart wheels in another. Add to that the sounds of my grunting and the squeaking and skidding of the cart and you can imagine the spectacle I was creating.

I finally made it to my car and unloaded my groceries into the trunk. As I shoved the cart into the cart return in the parking lot, I mustered the courage to speak the only words that came to mind, for fear of this cart finding me in the future.

“Good riddance!”