Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.
"Aurora Leigh" - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
I must admit that I am guilty of plucking blackberries. I love when the sweet fruits of life are easy to come by. I especially love when there is no extra energy required to partake of the sweet fruits.
Just hold out your hand and you will be content.
The problem with living for my own benefit is when I look at lifes opportunities and only consider how they will affect me. How will this make me look? What will people think of me? Do I have to give up my comfort for someone else? Because, from my selfish point of view, if it isn't going to benefit me, then what purpose does it serve?
Then one day, figuratively speaking, Adam and I see a burning bush (halleluja!), and it took our eyes off of ourselves. We became aware of something bigger than us, something with purpose, and God allowed us to be a part of it (halleluja!).
I erred, though, in thinking that because we were being faithful in taking this journey that God has called us to take, the path would be easy and there would be a lot of blackberries to pick along the way.
I was wrong.
I didn't anticipate that the little girl God picked for us would have special needs. It never crossed my mind, and yet, I look at her and see a child who is full of life and deserves a chance to live it.
I see the face of the daughter God placed on my heart 13 years ago, and her smile that lights up a room.
I see determination in her eyes and the joy she brings to her caregivers faces.
But most of all, I see God's hand in this miracle, and the fulfillment in our lives, and I can't say no to that.
The night before we came home, Adam and I talked a lot about L, her diagnosis and what that could mean for our family if we continued with the adoption. We wondered what people would say about our choice to adopt and why. Then the thought occurred to me, are we living for the opinions of others, or the will of God? Because, if we are living for God, then I will not be content plucking blackberries. It's time to take our shoes off and glorify Him (halleluja!).
This Simple Truth
Labels: Adoption Process
Wow! That was a whirlwind trip.
It has taken us several days to process our thoughts, and even at that, I don't think we have had a chance to take it all in. Since arriving in Boise late Monday night, we have each had appointments with our doctors, we have been re-fingerprinted for our I-600A clearance, and in a separate appointment, we have been fingerprinted for our local state police clearances as well. Thrown into the mix of all that craziness is our mad scramble to get ready for Christmas. We intentionally keep Christmas simple in our house so that we don't lose sight of the true meaning of this season, but there is still food to prepare, gifts to wrap and children that get out of bed way too early.
I guess the saying "there is no rest for the weary" is fitting for us right now. But I'm okay with that, because God is faithful even when we are weary.
This trip was exhausting emotionally, physically and mentally and yet, at the same time, God was very prevalent as we struggled with some very tough emotions.
As I take a moment to gather the discombobulated thoughts that are swirling through my head, I struggle to know where exactly to begin. I suppose though, that the most profound thing that happened occurred on our flight to Amsterdam, and so I will start there as it set into place the tone for our trip, and the trust required in knowing that God is in control.
As I was finishing packing my bags the night before leaving for Russia, I realized that I didn't have a book to bring along with me. There was a small book sitting on my nightstand that I had nearly completed, and knew that it wouldn't hold me over until we returned the following week. For this reason, I had every intention of running to the bookstore on Tuesday morning, but in the midst of packing and making sure everything was taken care of at home, I lost track of time.
Realizing, as we were on our way to the airport, that I forgot the get a book, I asked if we could make a quick stop at the book store. I spent about 5 minutes searching the bookshelves for something that would stand out, as I didn't have a specific book in mind, just something interesting enough that would keep me from staring mindlessly at the seat back and tray table in front of me.
I glanced at books by familiar Christian authors; Philip Yancey, Max Lucado and Charles Colson, but didn't see anything that piqued my interest. Then I remembered a conversation my dad and I were having about Ravi Zacharias the night before, and decided to search for his name among the shelves. We pulled out a few of his books and after looking at them, I decided on his book called Jesus Among Other Gods.
During our eight hour flight to Amsterdam I decided to pull out the book and read a few pages before beginning my in flight movie, but it drew me in and I couldn't put it down until reading about Ravi's visit to a place in India where beautiful wedding saris are made. Here is an excerpt:
The Pattern Unfolds
I would like to share how a purposeful design emerges when God weaves a pattern from what, to us, may often seem disparate threads.
Some years ago, I was visiting a place where some of the most beautiful wedding saris are made. The sari, of course, is the garment worn by Indian women. It is usually six yards long. Wedding saris are a work of art; they are rich in gold and silver threads, resplendent with an array of colors.
The place I was visiting was known for making the best wedding saris in the world. I expected to see some elaborate system of machines and designs that would boggle the mind. Not so! Each sari was being made individually by a father-and-son team. The father sat above on a platform two to three feet higher than the son, surrounded by several spools of thread, some dark, some shining. The son did just one thing. At the nod from his father, he would move the shuttle from one side to the other and back again. The father would gather some threads in his fingers, nod once more, and the son would move the shuttle again. This would be repeated for hundreds of hours, till you would begin to see a magnificent pattern emerging.
The son had the easy task-just to move at the father's nod. All along, the father had the design in his mind and brought the right threads together.
Ravi Zacharias - Jesus Among Other Gods
After reading this, I had to put the book down and digest this truth. You see, God is weaving a pattern in each of our lives, but in order to complete the pattern - in order to make it beautiful - we must move when He says move.
Even if the pattern, from our limited perspective, doesn't always seem to make sense.
I didn't realize it at the time, but this book was meant for me (and Adam) for this very moment in our lives. For this I am grateful, because our all knowing God knew the struggles we were going to have as we traveled half-way around the world to meet the little girl He hand picked for our family. A little girl who is not perfect in the worlds eyes, but who has immeasurable value as a child of the King.
I can't begin to tell you how excited we are to see the pattern unfold as God weaves our lives and the life of our daughter together. Until then, we will dwell on this truth:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Anna
It has taken us several days to process our thoughts, and even at that, I don't think we have had a chance to take it all in. Since arriving in Boise late Monday night, we have each had appointments with our doctors, we have been re-fingerprinted for our I-600A clearance, and in a separate appointment, we have been fingerprinted for our local state police clearances as well. Thrown into the mix of all that craziness is our mad scramble to get ready for Christmas. We intentionally keep Christmas simple in our house so that we don't lose sight of the true meaning of this season, but there is still food to prepare, gifts to wrap and children that get out of bed way too early.
I guess the saying "there is no rest for the weary" is fitting for us right now. But I'm okay with that, because God is faithful even when we are weary.
This trip was exhausting emotionally, physically and mentally and yet, at the same time, God was very prevalent as we struggled with some very tough emotions.
As I take a moment to gather the discombobulated thoughts that are swirling through my head, I struggle to know where exactly to begin. I suppose though, that the most profound thing that happened occurred on our flight to Amsterdam, and so I will start there as it set into place the tone for our trip, and the trust required in knowing that God is in control.
As I was finishing packing my bags the night before leaving for Russia, I realized that I didn't have a book to bring along with me. There was a small book sitting on my nightstand that I had nearly completed, and knew that it wouldn't hold me over until we returned the following week. For this reason, I had every intention of running to the bookstore on Tuesday morning, but in the midst of packing and making sure everything was taken care of at home, I lost track of time.
Realizing, as we were on our way to the airport, that I forgot the get a book, I asked if we could make a quick stop at the book store. I spent about 5 minutes searching the bookshelves for something that would stand out, as I didn't have a specific book in mind, just something interesting enough that would keep me from staring mindlessly at the seat back and tray table in front of me.
I glanced at books by familiar Christian authors; Philip Yancey, Max Lucado and Charles Colson, but didn't see anything that piqued my interest. Then I remembered a conversation my dad and I were having about Ravi Zacharias the night before, and decided to search for his name among the shelves. We pulled out a few of his books and after looking at them, I decided on his book called Jesus Among Other Gods.
During our eight hour flight to Amsterdam I decided to pull out the book and read a few pages before beginning my in flight movie, but it drew me in and I couldn't put it down until reading about Ravi's visit to a place in India where beautiful wedding saris are made. Here is an excerpt:
The Pattern Unfolds
I would like to share how a purposeful design emerges when God weaves a pattern from what, to us, may often seem disparate threads.
Some years ago, I was visiting a place where some of the most beautiful wedding saris are made. The sari, of course, is the garment worn by Indian women. It is usually six yards long. Wedding saris are a work of art; they are rich in gold and silver threads, resplendent with an array of colors.
The place I was visiting was known for making the best wedding saris in the world. I expected to see some elaborate system of machines and designs that would boggle the mind. Not so! Each sari was being made individually by a father-and-son team. The father sat above on a platform two to three feet higher than the son, surrounded by several spools of thread, some dark, some shining. The son did just one thing. At the nod from his father, he would move the shuttle from one side to the other and back again. The father would gather some threads in his fingers, nod once more, and the son would move the shuttle again. This would be repeated for hundreds of hours, till you would begin to see a magnificent pattern emerging.
The son had the easy task-just to move at the father's nod. All along, the father had the design in his mind and brought the right threads together.
Ravi Zacharias - Jesus Among Other Gods
After reading this, I had to put the book down and digest this truth. You see, God is weaving a pattern in each of our lives, but in order to complete the pattern - in order to make it beautiful - we must move when He says move.
Even if the pattern, from our limited perspective, doesn't always seem to make sense.
I didn't realize it at the time, but this book was meant for me (and Adam) for this very moment in our lives. For this I am grateful, because our all knowing God knew the struggles we were going to have as we traveled half-way around the world to meet the little girl He hand picked for our family. A little girl who is not perfect in the worlds eyes, but who has immeasurable value as a child of the King.
I can't begin to tell you how excited we are to see the pattern unfold as God weaves our lives and the life of our daughter together. Until then, we will dwell on this truth:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
Blessings,
Anna
We will be leaving for Moscow tonight, but before we do, we will visit L one last time. We are very thankful that the baby home director has allowed us to visit both Saturday and Sunday, as we have been given an extra four priceless hours of playing and bonding with L.
She is such a bright little girl. As we handed her back to her caregiver yesterday, L looked at us and started to cry a little bit. It was clear that she wanted to stay with us, and as we walked out of the room, L turned her head to follow us, and we were told that she understands what is going on.
I don't really know how to describe the strange mix of emotions that I (and Adam) am feeling. On one hand, I want to stay here and continue to visit L until we take her home. She has come a long way, developmentally, in the just three days that we have spent with her, and I don't like the thought of her losing that while we are gone. On the other hand, I want to get home so our paperwork can be completed and a court date can be set.
Oh, and I really miss Isaiah and Caleb. If there is one thing about me that you should know, it's that I am a homebody. I love to be with my family, and in my house and in my own bed. These things make everything right in my world, and when they aren't there, it's like my life is out of whack....this is especially prevalent when the bed in my hotel room is rock hard.
That being said, I am sad to leave L here, but am excited to head home. Besides, I don't think I can handle the driving here any longer. I am pretty sure that our taxi driver had a little too much vodka yesterday because he drove into a snow bank here and there, drove into oncoming traffic twice, then did a five point turn in the middle of a busy intersection. I also think the lack of sleep, food and high stress of the past week have made me a little delirious. I say this because, after sliding to a stop and coming within inches of hitting a man crossing the road, our WACAP representative, who happened to be in the taxi with us at the time, said in her strong Russian accent, "Our driver is a little strange today." Our driver, or course, didn't speak any English, and so he had no clue what was just said. I, on the other hand, got the giggles and could not stop laughing.
Oh well. Such is life in a different culture.
More on these things later...like when I have slept a little bit and can actually put an intelligent thought together in my head.
Anna
She is such a bright little girl. As we handed her back to her caregiver yesterday, L looked at us and started to cry a little bit. It was clear that she wanted to stay with us, and as we walked out of the room, L turned her head to follow us, and we were told that she understands what is going on.
I don't really know how to describe the strange mix of emotions that I (and Adam) am feeling. On one hand, I want to stay here and continue to visit L until we take her home. She has come a long way, developmentally, in the just three days that we have spent with her, and I don't like the thought of her losing that while we are gone. On the other hand, I want to get home so our paperwork can be completed and a court date can be set.
Oh, and I really miss Isaiah and Caleb. If there is one thing about me that you should know, it's that I am a homebody. I love to be with my family, and in my house and in my own bed. These things make everything right in my world, and when they aren't there, it's like my life is out of whack....this is especially prevalent when the bed in my hotel room is rock hard.
That being said, I am sad to leave L here, but am excited to head home. Besides, I don't think I can handle the driving here any longer. I am pretty sure that our taxi driver had a little too much vodka yesterday because he drove into a snow bank here and there, drove into oncoming traffic twice, then did a five point turn in the middle of a busy intersection. I also think the lack of sleep, food and high stress of the past week have made me a little delirious. I say this because, after sliding to a stop and coming within inches of hitting a man crossing the road, our WACAP representative, who happened to be in the taxi with us at the time, said in her strong Russian accent, "Our driver is a little strange today." Our driver, or course, didn't speak any English, and so he had no clue what was just said. I, on the other hand, got the giggles and could not stop laughing.
Oh well. Such is life in a different culture.
More on these things later...like when I have slept a little bit and can actually put an intelligent thought together in my head.
Anna
Novosibirsk
Labels: Adoption Process
**Let me just start of by saying that because of confidentiality, I am not able to give out our little girls name. However, I will refer to her as L, to give her some sense of identity without going against the wishes of the Russian government.**
We have been in Russia for 24 hours, and are just now starting to feel normal. We arrived in Novosibirsk at 5:30 am on Thursday morning, where we were picked up by the WACAP staff and taken to Hotel Sibir, where we will stay for the remainder of our trip.
We arrived at the hotel with enough time to take a much needed shower and then rest for about an hour before we needed to meet Anna, our WACAP representative in Russia, who would take us to our appointment with the Department of Education.
After a short meeting with the Department of Education, we were granted official permission to visit the baby home where L is living.
After a few minutes of waiting impatiently, a very happy little girl, with a big smile, was brought in to us. In the referral we were told that she loves people, and it was obvious by the way she eagerly came to us. After a few minutes of visiting with her, we had a chance to speak with the head pediatrician at the baby home, who gave us more medical information about L.
After speaking with the head pediatrician, we were able to spend the remaining hour and a half with L, where we got to see her play with toys, crawl and interact with us. It is very clear that she is loved and well taken care of. This has been our prayer since we started this adoption.
We will be heading to the baby home to visit with L this afternoon. We were also told by the baby home director that we are welcome to come on Saturday as well. This is good news as they don't normally allow visitors on the weekends.
We were hoping to do some sightseeing around Novosibirsk in between visits to the baby home, but it is currently -12 degrees F, so we are going to stay inside and get some much needed rest.
The funny thing is, we are not as concerned about the weather as we are about the driving. We have yet to see a crosswalk. Instead, people just walk into the middle of the road, regardless of cars that are careening toward them. Add to that the fact that there are no lines in the road, and it becomes obvious that transporting ones self in Russia is really just a free-for-all. For this reason, I recommend 2 things:
* Don't look out the window while being driven around Novosibirsk. It does nothing but induce IBS.
* Russians approach a dinner buffet with the same amount of aggression as they use while driving. Be sure to hold on to your dinner plate, because things can get ugly.
More to come later!
Anna
We have been in Russia for 24 hours, and are just now starting to feel normal. We arrived in Novosibirsk at 5:30 am on Thursday morning, where we were picked up by the WACAP staff and taken to Hotel Sibir, where we will stay for the remainder of our trip.
We arrived at the hotel with enough time to take a much needed shower and then rest for about an hour before we needed to meet Anna, our WACAP representative in Russia, who would take us to our appointment with the Department of Education.
After a short meeting with the Department of Education, we were granted official permission to visit the baby home where L is living.
After a few minutes of waiting impatiently, a very happy little girl, with a big smile, was brought in to us. In the referral we were told that she loves people, and it was obvious by the way she eagerly came to us. After a few minutes of visiting with her, we had a chance to speak with the head pediatrician at the baby home, who gave us more medical information about L.
After speaking with the head pediatrician, we were able to spend the remaining hour and a half with L, where we got to see her play with toys, crawl and interact with us. It is very clear that she is loved and well taken care of. This has been our prayer since we started this adoption.
We will be heading to the baby home to visit with L this afternoon. We were also told by the baby home director that we are welcome to come on Saturday as well. This is good news as they don't normally allow visitors on the weekends.
We were hoping to do some sightseeing around Novosibirsk in between visits to the baby home, but it is currently -12 degrees F, so we are going to stay inside and get some much needed rest.
The funny thing is, we are not as concerned about the weather as we are about the driving. We have yet to see a crosswalk. Instead, people just walk into the middle of the road, regardless of cars that are careening toward them. Add to that the fact that there are no lines in the road, and it becomes obvious that transporting ones self in Russia is really just a free-for-all. For this reason, I recommend 2 things:
* Don't look out the window while being driven around Novosibirsk. It does nothing but induce IBS.
* Russians approach a dinner buffet with the same amount of aggression as they use while driving. Be sure to hold on to your dinner plate, because things can get ugly.
More to come later!
Anna
It turns out that preparing to go to Russia on 7 days notice really does a number on ones stomach...not to mention checkbook.
Luckily, some of that stress has been eased by the fantastic folks at Rainier World Travel, who were able to process our visas and book our flights with amazing speed.
We will be heading to Russia this coming Tuesday, but won't actually arrive in Novosibirsk until Thursday morning. As soon as we arrive, we will be driven to our hotel where we will have an hour or two to freshen up (I'm pretty sure we'll need it at that point), and then we will meet with the Department of Education where we will receive our official invitation to see our little girl.
At some point on Thursday afternoon, we will head to the baby home and meet her. We have been told that we will spend anywhere between 40 minutes to 2 hours with her that first day, so we need to be flexible.
I would imagine that after visiting with her, we will then head back to the hotel and crash.
We are guaranteed one visit with her on Friday, but there is a possibility of two visits. This, of course, is dependent on the decision of the baby home director, as they don't like to disrupt the children's schedules too much.
While it is not common practice to allow visitation on weekends, there is also a possibility that we will be granted a short visit with her on Saturday.
We will leave Novosibirsk on Sunday evening, spend the night in Moscow, and then get catch a flight early Monday morning to head home. Assuming all flights go as planned, we will arrive in Boise Monday evening.
And just an FYI - As much as I wish otherwise, we are not allowed to give any information about our little girl until the adoption has been completed. For this reason, we won't be able to share her name or pictures while on this trip. We will, however, do our best to keep you informed on our experience while visiting her, so feel free to check in from time to time.
If you don't hear from me between now and next week, I will catch you on the flip-side...and I mean that quite literally!
Luckily, some of that stress has been eased by the fantastic folks at Rainier World Travel, who were able to process our visas and book our flights with amazing speed.
We will be heading to Russia this coming Tuesday, but won't actually arrive in Novosibirsk until Thursday morning. As soon as we arrive, we will be driven to our hotel where we will have an hour or two to freshen up (I'm pretty sure we'll need it at that point), and then we will meet with the Department of Education where we will receive our official invitation to see our little girl.
At some point on Thursday afternoon, we will head to the baby home and meet her. We have been told that we will spend anywhere between 40 minutes to 2 hours with her that first day, so we need to be flexible.
I would imagine that after visiting with her, we will then head back to the hotel and crash.
We are guaranteed one visit with her on Friday, but there is a possibility of two visits. This, of course, is dependent on the decision of the baby home director, as they don't like to disrupt the children's schedules too much.
While it is not common practice to allow visitation on weekends, there is also a possibility that we will be granted a short visit with her on Saturday.
We will leave Novosibirsk on Sunday evening, spend the night in Moscow, and then get catch a flight early Monday morning to head home. Assuming all flights go as planned, we will arrive in Boise Monday evening.
And just an FYI - As much as I wish otherwise, we are not allowed to give any information about our little girl until the adoption has been completed. For this reason, we won't be able to share her name or pictures while on this trip. We will, however, do our best to keep you informed on our experience while visiting her, so feel free to check in from time to time.
If you don't hear from me between now and next week, I will catch you on the flip-side...and I mean that quite literally!
I don't know how Isaiah got a hold of that elderly persons walker.
For what it's worth...
I am choosing to ignore it because it didn't happen on my property.
For what it's worth...
If you hear of someone missing a walker, don't blame me.
For what it's worth...
I didn't know, when I woke up this morning, that my life would never be the same again.
For what it's worth...
I didn't know, when I ignored the ringing telephone, that it would be our case manager calling to tell us some exciting news!
For what it's worth...
I didn't know that mixing a 16 oz. mocha, a large slice of chocolate cream pie and news that we have received a referral would give me an adrenaline rush never before experienced on the face of this earth.
For what it's worth...
I'm not telling you why I was drinking a mocha and eating a slice of chocolate cream pie at the same time.
For what it's worth...
I don't recommend doing that.
For what it's worth...
We are leaving for Russia in exactly 1 week.
For what it's worth...
Our daughter is beautiful!
For what it's worth...
I am a little stressed out...you know, in a green apple two-step kinda way.
For what it's worth...
I get teary-eyed just thinking about being away from my boys for a week.
For what it's worth...
God placed a picture of our daughter on my heart, and when I saw her photo today, it matched my hearts description.
For what it's worth...
God is good!
For what it's worth...
It's all worth it!
For what it's worth...
I am choosing to ignore it because it didn't happen on my property.
For what it's worth...
If you hear of someone missing a walker, don't blame me.
For what it's worth...
I didn't know, when I woke up this morning, that my life would never be the same again.
For what it's worth...
I didn't know, when I ignored the ringing telephone, that it would be our case manager calling to tell us some exciting news!
For what it's worth...
I didn't know that mixing a 16 oz. mocha, a large slice of chocolate cream pie and news that we have received a referral would give me an adrenaline rush never before experienced on the face of this earth.
For what it's worth...
I'm not telling you why I was drinking a mocha and eating a slice of chocolate cream pie at the same time.
For what it's worth...
I don't recommend doing that.
For what it's worth...
We are leaving for Russia in exactly 1 week.
For what it's worth...
Our daughter is beautiful!
For what it's worth...
I am a little stressed out...you know, in a green apple two-step kinda way.
For what it's worth...
I get teary-eyed just thinking about being away from my boys for a week.
For what it's worth...
God placed a picture of our daughter on my heart, and when I saw her photo today, it matched my hearts description.
For what it's worth...
God is good!
For what it's worth...
It's all worth it!
Because I Love You...
Labels: Mothering
You will have to give me three of your hard earned dollars for dumping the bottle of bath soap in the tub, even though it means that you won't have enough money left over to buy that toy you have been saving for.
I will play Candyland for the fifth time - even though the dirty clothes have taken over the laundry room and dirty dishes are piled in the sink - because you are worth it.
I will not shelter you from every painful experience, because I know that with those experiences comes the opportunity to gain wisdom.
I will have tickle wars and wrestling matches with you even when I'm tired.
There will be consequences for your actions, even though I don't enjoy it.
I will throw the football with you when the wind is blowing and it's 28 degrees outside - even if it's only for 5 minutes.
I will smile when you come out of your room wearing mismatched clothes and floppy cowboy boots that are two sizes too big, because I know that you feel good about yourself.
I will say 'no' even though it saddens me to do it, because contrary to what you believe about me at that moment, I really do want what's best for you.
I know you won't fully understand this concept until you grow up and have children of your own. But I know that when that day comes, you will understand that it was all...
Because I love you.
I will play Candyland for the fifth time - even though the dirty clothes have taken over the laundry room and dirty dishes are piled in the sink - because you are worth it.
I will not shelter you from every painful experience, because I know that with those experiences comes the opportunity to gain wisdom.
I will have tickle wars and wrestling matches with you even when I'm tired.
There will be consequences for your actions, even though I don't enjoy it.
I will throw the football with you when the wind is blowing and it's 28 degrees outside - even if it's only for 5 minutes.
I will smile when you come out of your room wearing mismatched clothes and floppy cowboy boots that are two sizes too big, because I know that you feel good about yourself.
I will say 'no' even though it saddens me to do it, because contrary to what you believe about me at that moment, I really do want what's best for you.
I know you won't fully understand this concept until you grow up and have children of your own. But I know that when that day comes, you will understand that it was all...
Because I love you.
Isaiah 8
Caleb 6
Naomi 2
