"My second favorite chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk until I faint."
-Erma Bombeck

Adam took the boys on a backpacking adventure this weekend while I stayed home and took on a cleaning adventure of my own. This time, however, I didn't touch the bathrooms or mop the floors. Instead, I took advantage of the boys' being gone, and cleaned out their bedroom.

I am always amazed at the amount of crap that gets stuffed into their closet, under the bed and beside their dresser. Since their absence from the house meant that they couldn't stand over me and insist that I was getting rid of their absolute favorite toys that have been sitting at the bottom of their toy box for the past year, or argue that they really do wear that yellow shirt that is two sizes too small, I was given the rare opportunity to fully purge the so called 'treasures' from their room.

Among those treasures were:
A large bag of milk tabs (don't ask)
A collection of pencil erasers
Torn Pokemon cards
Girls hair ties (I don't know where those came from)
Random nuts and bolts
An acorn shell
And a half eaten tube of blueberry flavored chapstick (gross)

And speaking of treasures, I heard that the boys spent the weekend searching for more treasures. You know, the kind that can only be found in the wilderness.





Naturally, Caleb was a little bit jealous of the awesome frog that Isaiah found, so he set out to find a unique treasure of his own. After combing the ground and weaving through the bushes, Caleb returned holding what he thought was the coolest treasure ever...a blue something or other!

Wanting to share in Caleb's excitement, Adam eagerly looked at the treasure that Caleb was holding, only to realize - with utter shock and disgust - that Caleb's treasure was in fact a feminine hygiene product.

This raises the question: How do you gingerly say 'throw that in the garbage and pour bleach all over your hands right now!", without your 5 year old child insisting that he needs to know why he can't keep it in his pocket?

All I can think is that if I happened to find a collection of those in their bedroom, Adam and the boys would have returned home only to find me laying on the floor,in a fetal position, sucking my thumb.

Now that I think about it, half eaten blueberry chapstick doesn't seem so bad after all.

God's law, Natural law, the laws of Physics, Physical law - I like laws. They are dependable. They give us boundaries to stay within; to keep us healthy and alive. But going to church and attending science classes do not fully prepare us for certain laws that govern our lives. Since I had no choice but to learn these laws that hard way, I will give those of you - who have yet to experience these laws - a forewarning. Trust me, it's better this way.

Did you know that there is something called the 'Law of the Kenmore Appliance'. It's true! This law states that at exactly seven years, two months and 15 days from the date that you bought your Kenmore appliance, it will expire.

Take, for example, my gas oven. When I tried turning on the oven, it filled with gas, but the pilot light did not light right away. When it finally lit, I could have sworn that I heard a mini explosion in my oven. Appreciating the fact that I am alive and would like to stay alive for awhile, I decided to shut it off and call the appliance man.

At the same time, I also noticed that my washer and dryer were not working properly. Call me crazy, but I don't think that it's normal for a washing machine to shimmy halfway across the laundry room. It's just not normal. The same goes for the dryer that neither tumbles nor dries clothes.

Of course there are other laws that need to be discussed. One that comes to mind is the 'Law of the Broken Spring on the Garage Door'. This law occurs at exactly seven years, two months and 17 days from the date of purchase. Beware of this law. It's vicious. It tends to present itself in the early morning when your husband needs to get to work and you find yourself holding up the 300 pound garage door in your pajamas with major bed head, so he can back the cars out of the garage.

There is one law that still perplexes me. As much as I have tried to figure it out, I cannot. So until someone else can explain it to me, I will refer to it as the 'Law of the Bashed in Mailbox'. This also occurs at seven years, two months and 17 days, but luckily for me, I didn't notice it because I was busy holding up a garage door...in my pajamas...with bad hair.

It didn't fool Adam though. He's sharp. A few minutes after I thought he had left for work, he came through the front door and said, "Well this just tops it all off. Someone bashed in our mailbox last night!"

Then he looked at me and asked if I was doing okay. I said "I'm fine. Don't let these tears fool you though, I'm laughing on the inside."

Then I kissed him goodbye and went to the kitchen to warm up my coffee in the microwave. Ten seconds had passed before I realized that the strange buzzing sound was not coming from my ears, but rather, the microwave.

Disgusted, I grabbed my barely warm coffee from the microwave, glared at it and said "Hah! You're two days late!"

"It goes without saying that you should never have more kids than you have car windows."
-Erma Bombeck

Wouldn't it be nice if we actually had these types of signs as we go about daily life, warning us that a difficult situation is about to present itself?

I could have used this warning sign several months ago, but unless it was flashing neon pink lights, I probably would not have seen it.

My problem is that I have spent the past few months with my head down, relying on my own strength in order to get through the day and it hasn't been working. The harder I have tried to get it all done, the more I stumble on my rocky path.

There are times in life when the rocky path is unavoidable. Circumstances beyond my control lead me there, and I must navigate through the boulders and loose sedimentary rocks as I make my way to solid ground. When I let God lead me through the rocky patches, the boulders don't seem quite as big; my feet are more sturdy on the loose ground, and I become more like Him.

But let's be clear about something, because before I can even come close to resembling a tiny shred of God's character, I will have to experience a lifetime of ups and downs, and do so while allowing God to mold and shape me.

It sounds so easy when I read it on my computer screen, but how do you do that when you find yourself bruised and broken in a 'crack in the ground' and it's not because of circumstances beyond your control?

At some point in the last few months, amidst the mud and muck of motherhood, I took my eyes off God and aimed them at my feet. And that is exactly why I am here - because I couldn't see where I was walking, and it landed me in this darn crack.

It started as a slow slide. But with each passing argument between my kids; each appointment that needed to be met; each whine in my face about why 'I don't want that', or 'it's not fair' or 'you never let me do anything', finally wears you down, and you have a hard time speaking kindly to those children who seem to have grown horns and are prancing around wearing little red capes.

Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is fantastic...except for when it's not.

I say all of this because I am sitting in a 'crack in the ground' with a really bad attitude and a strong desire to stick my tongue out at my kids...and I could use your prayers.

Anna Banana