I was once accused of being a real weirdo by my child. I took offense. It's not that I'm weird. It's that my circumstances are. Sometimes we just need someone outside of family to shed perspective and humor on an otherwise depressing situation. The only hope I have for my sanity is in knowing that my friend Sheri wades through these same uncanny waters as I do.

Dear Anna,
We have barf.
Nathan threw up at midnight last night. It went on for every 30 minutes until 6 this morning. I slept for 1 hour last night. And school starts tomorrow.
Signed,
It figures

Dear Sheri,
Haven't we always said that if we plan anything of significance, we will be plagued by an unfortunate event? This is no different, is it?
I would have brought you some coffee to help get through your day, but I'm beginning to think the stars have aligned against us, because it just so happens that I busted my French Press this morning.
Signed,
It's Futile

Dear Anna,
The saga continues. I found Ben playing in the yard with his head in the same bucket that Nathan vomited in last night. I scrubbed out his mouth with a soapy rag and then made him a turkey sandwich for lunch today.
I just now noticed on the package of turkey that it's 2 weeks past the "use by" date. CRAP. Nothing has happened for several hours, but past experience has taught me that all vomit happens around midnight. I won't consider this over until tomorrow.
Don't worry about the coffee. Whiskey is stronger, and it doesn't require a French Press.
Signed,
Job the Afflicted

Dear Sheri,
What did you do to turn God's wrath against you?
Signed,
Eliphaz

Dear Anna,
Nothing. But life is turning around. The boys are both doing fine, and Brett's boss gave him the day off tomorrow. We are going on a date while they're at school. I can hardly wait!
And in case you're wondering what we'll do on our date, we're going to Costco to get new tires put on the van. YEEEEHAW! Maybe a nice lunch as well, preferably not at the Costco snack bar.
Signed,
Friend of God

Dear Sheri,
So glad things are turning around for you. On a separate note, the boys and I ate Sonic hamburgers for lunch today. That meal will be revisiting me all day long, I just know it.
Signed,
Bloated

Dear Anna,
You know how I told you that Brett got the day off today? Well guess what he's doing? He's in bed sick with the stomach crap. I can't believe this. Nice, long holiday weekend we'll have. I really, really hate life right now. We had planned to go to a baseball game tonight and then go somewhere fun to spend the night on Saturday. What the heck am I supposed to do to entertain the boys all freakin' weekend by myself????? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
Signed,
Just Shoot Me

Dear Sheri,
Please refer to my original comment about significant plans and unfortunate events. You just so happen to be the recipient of a violent stomach virus that knows you have plans. I feel for you. I really do. Would you like to know why?
One hour ago, my parents took all three of my children for the weekend so Adam and I could spend a much needed weekend alone, and you'll never believe...my stomach just gurgled.
Signed,
It Figures