Family Business

Will the child who stole my turkey baster and filled it with dirt and gravel please come forward?

While we're on the subject, I would also like to know which one of you thought it would be a good idea to cut triangle shapes out of my bed sheets?

Please understand that I am irritated and will continue to be irritated until you have grown up and are living in a house of your own. When that happens, you can rest assured that I will get my revenge, and it will be ugly.

I will body slam your couch until the frame is busted.

I will pee all the over your toilet seat and then laugh when you sit in it.

I will smear toothpaste all over the sink, counter, toilet, walls and hand towels.

I will wipe boogers on your walls and smash cheese crackers into your carpet.

I will flush 3/4 of a roll of toilet paper and a bag of marbles down your toilet.

I will slam every door I walk through and lick your windows.

I will run through your neighborhood wearing nothing but snow boots and a cape.

I will melt popsicles on your garage floor and poor bubbles all over your driveway.

I will sword fight your bushes until they are nubs sticking out of the ground.

I will karate chop your blinds and throw balls at your windows.

I will bury every tool you own in the sandbox, and then leave it uncovered so cats can do their business.

Just for kicks, I will blow dandelion seeds in your front yard, and smile while doing so.

**Please note that in order to keep your dignity (and mine), you must repent right now and turn from your evil ways.**

Sincerely,
Your Crazed Mother