Caleb

This is Caleb.

He's my baby.

He'll turn 5 soon.



I tend to think that Caleb is similar to a cat.

He's quiet, playful and cunning.

He always has some sort of ulterior motive going on in the background, and because he remains a slightly mysterious character, you have to do a little digging to figure him out.



If there is one thing that gives Caleb away, it's his beloved 'Pooh Bear'.

'Pooh Bear' used to be a blanket, but over the years it has been loved into a thinned out strip of frayed cloth, with the once vibrant pictures of Winnie the Pooh having slowly begun to fade with each cycle through the washing machine.

I don't know what it is about this blanket, but I love to bury my face in it and just breathe in my baby. His sweat. His drool. It's every bit a part of Caleb as the strange concoction of clothes he prefers to wear, and it's very comforting to me.

And to him as well.

As I lay next to him in bed, I listen to his breathing become rhythmic as he twists the frayed edges of Pooh Bear between his fingers. I watch as he gets lost in thought, forgetting for a split second that I am next to him - watching him - while he buries his face into Pooh Bear, and he takes a deep breath.

For comfort perhaps?

Reassurance?

He unknowingly allowed me to see a little part of the inner struggle he was having, but after looking contemplative at being asked if he was okay, he insisted that he was fine.

I know better, of course, but Caleb is not one to be pushed into anything. He will express his feelings when the time is right for him, so I am left to wait it out.

Then out of the blue it happens, just as it always does. Caleb strikes up a conversation that gives me a glimpse into his mysterious heart.


Caleb: Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Caleb: Um, I was just gonna say that, well...how long is our sister gonna stay with us?

Me: She will be with us forever.

Caleb: Hmmm.

Me: How long do you think she should stay?

Caleb: Well, I was thinking that she should just stay for 20 days.

Me: 20 days? Why do you think that?

Caleb: Well, I was just gonna say that she is kinda whiney.



It's those types of comments that continue to reassure me that I will never fully understand my baby. But like I said, he prefers it that way.