Reality is Highly Overrated

I'm pretty sure I've lost my mind.

How do I know this?

The other day I found three cartons of unopened cottage cheese in my fridge. The following day I bought one more.

I've spent the last two months trying to bring order to my life, but gave up today after realizing that I can't even organize my purse.

I told Adam this the other day when he came home and found me mumbling to myself.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I can't seem to get a grip on reality."

"It's completely understandable. Look at all the kids we have. You can't expect to care for all of them and come away unscathed."

"But that's the problem," I said as I picked spit-wads off the laundry room door. "I don't think they all belong to us."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well," I motioned toward the odd looking boy in the living room, "I grew suspicious today when I saw him licking our plunger. It took some digging, but sure enough, I found three birth certificates."

"And your point is?"

"My point is that we have three more kids than we have birth certificates!"

"How did this happen?"

"I don't know" I said, as I cleaned up a smashed yogurt tube, three chewed blueberries, an open faced peanut butter and jelly sandwich and nine foam darts from underneath the kitchen table. "But what concerns me most is that I can't tell you with absolute certainty which three are ours."

As I crawled out from underneath the table, a boy, whose underwear I have been washing since June 10th, came running down the stairs, jumped the last seven and landed with such force that three pictures fell off the wall.

"Son," Adam said, "if you jump off those stairs one more time, you will be grounded!"

Not wanting to embarrass him, I leaned in and whispered quietly in his ear, "Uh, Adam...I could be wrong, but I don't think he's one of ours."

He looked at me and said, "I think I've lost my mind."

See what I mean?