Several years ago - and by several, I mean over 6 years - a really uncomfortable thing happened to me. I don't mean for it to sound as though this was just a strange occurrence that just happened to fall into my lap. I mean, I could write several stories about the circumstances that I have accidentally found myself in; including but not limited to: the penis incident in Singapore, death on the tarmac in Siberia and the gun in Goodwill. And once I can wash the look of shocked Asian faces out of my mind, I will get to those stories. As for right now though, I want to share about an incident that I walked into, knowing full well that I was going to look like a complete fool.

It all started one day when Isaiah was a little over one year old. He had just finished lunch and it was getting close to his nap time, when I felt the Lord tell me to ask my neighbor if I could pray for her. She was in the last stages of cancer. Bedridden, she spent her remaining days in the warm, sunny front room of her house. Isaiah and I would visit her often, and she would smile as if those short visits would make her pain a little more bearable.

It seems like an easy thing to do; to pray for a dying person. After all, who wouldn't accept a prayer said over them?

Did I mention that she was a Jehovah's Witness?

A Christian's prayer over a Jehovah's Witness is received about as well as asking a Muslim or Jew to eat pork. It's just the truth. And this truth played over in my mind as I walked home from my neighbors house, embarrassed and angry at God for asking me to do such a thing when He knew the outcome would be my own feelings of humiliation.

I quickly shut my front door and then began questioning God; How could You do such a thing to me? Why would You do such a thing to me. And just so You know, God...I'm never doing anything you say...ever again! So there.

And then I called my Dad and shared with him my horrible, uncomfortable, humiliating story. We talked a bit about it, and what it could mean, but it didn't change the way I felt. After all, embarrassment like that takes time to get over.

A few days later, I received a letter in the mail from my Dad regarding our earlier conversation, and upon reading it, my world was flipped upside down. I understood.

Maybe you will too...

Dear Anna,

Your phone call late last week has given me 'food for thought' these few days since. I, too, ask a number of questions...like "why does God call (or command) us to act or speak with no apparent positive outcome?"

Just a couple of random thoughts...

It seems to me that God is not limited in working out a plan for the present or near future only. As He prepares us for a short term, present-time work...He is likely forming us for a greater work in the future. What seems like a huge challenge for us will in retrospect become a reasonable small step in a powerful Christian testimony. You were able to watch Isaiah take his first step. Surely to him it seemed a fearful thing to throw himself off balance just in order to move toward his loving parents a few feet away. After falling, hanging on to coffee tables and chairs...he takes that step that changes his life opportunities in a way he never imagined.

But that is not the end for him...he will learn to run, to jump...leave the earth for a moment under his own power. Next will be playing sports, riding a bike and walking to school on his own. Yet without risking that first step, he would never enjoy the rest.

So, what seemed to be 'failures' in Isaiah's attempts to walk were actually confidence builders. Falling wasn't nearly so painful - and besides, there's more to experience a little higher up and farther out.

I suppose obedience is a bit like learning to walk. We need to recognize that small steps of obedience to God are preludes to running with Him.

Jeremiah, the Prophet, was used by God to challenge Israel to 'train' to live large for God. At one point he says:

"If you only train to run with footmen and have become worn out, how can you expect to compete with horses that are much faster? If you stumble and fall down in an easy place where peace abounds, how will you do when you are stuck in the wilderness?"
Jeremiah 12:5

Could it be we are 'toddlers' being trained to eventually "run with the horses?" God surely wants us to set our spiritual sights high...especially since He is our power to attain lofty goals.

It seems that in the six years since first obeying God's call to pray for my neighbor, I have begun to stretch my legs and throw myself off balance. I'm not there yet - not by a long shot - but I will face, with courage, the opportunities He gives me in order that I too, will one day run with the horses.

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.
- C. S. Lewis