Guilt

I think that along with the joy of bringing your first child home, an unwelcome guest also arrives...guilt. Sure, society puts enough guilt on mothers and it seems that whatever decision we make there is always someone telling us that it was the wrong one. From choosing to stay at home to going back to work, from breastfeeding to using formula and even how we choose to discipline our children, we are bombarded with the opinions of people who think they know better.

However, even with all the outside pressures, I think our biggest critics tend to be ourselves. At least that is true in my case. I can't tell you how many times I have felt guilty for doing or saying things I should not have said or done. And on the other end I have felt guilty for not doing things and not saying things I should have said or done. Regardless of the situation, I often find myself wondering if I am doing what is best for my kids. But I don't think that is entirely the reason why I am so hard on myself.

My heart is tied to my children. I hurt when my children hurt. I laugh when my children laugh and I cry when my children cry. I spend every moment of the day nurturing my children; from fixing meals to wiping tears and everything in between. And yet in the midst of the gentleness, I can quickly become very protective, in a mother bear kind of way, if I feel like my children are being threatened.

So it occurred to me that because mothers are so closely tied to their children, they will, at some point, experience every intense emotion from one end of the spectrum to the next. And because of that, there will be a lot of times when we will question ourselves and wonder if we are worthy to be called "mother".

I had my confirmation the other day that I am doing an okay job and I wanted to share it with you.

Isaiah was very slow in getting ready for school. It was 8:20 (we have to be out the door at 8:30), and he was still not dressed. I could see him doing something in the bathroom, but I wasn't sure what it was. Normally I would have gotten impatient with him, but instead I felt the Lord impress on me that I needed to respond in a calm manner. So I walked in the door and started to say "Isaiah, you need to get dressed right now", and as I was saying that I looked down and noticed he was writing a note to me. It said "I love you mom I hope you feel better soon". (He was referring to a cough and sinus infection I have been dealing with). I am so thankful that I listened to the Lord. Not only did he save me from serious feelings of guilt (could you imagine yelling at your child and then seeing a note like that?), but staying calm got Isaiah moving much faster than any other alternative.

Have a blessed guilt-free day!
Anna